'If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning ‘Good morning’ at total strangers.”

~ Maya Angelou

Ode to you, Maya. She knew. She saw right into our weary & overstimulated souls, didn’t she?

Somewhere along the line, we turned “holiday magic” into a competitive sport. We, us-good-hearted, Pinterest-haunted, try-hard women, will be out here running full production schedules for six straight weeks: lighting, wrapping, cooking, hosting, memory-making, and pretending to love it all while slowly frying inside.

Friends, are you noticing we're tensing up instead of lighting up about the holidays this year? This is our year to perhaps tone down the tinsel. To push back against the noise, the pressure, and the social contract that says “If you’re not exhausted, you’re not doing Christmas right.”

I am gifting you my Season of Sanity model. Five little S’s & a P.S. to keep your holidays grounded, peaceful, and honest. Think of it as your permission slip to underdo it w/joy.

1. Simple Shopping - Memberships & Moments, not just Merchandise

You guys. We just have too much stuff. This year, commit to the radical act of buying less. Invest your dollars into memories not instant gratification. Fewer gifts, more thought. Maybe one nice experience instead of a pile of forgettable things: tickets to the zoo, a museum, a local theater, or the botanical gardens that last all year. Consider gifting a family day or vacation everyone will actually remember, or go adventurous w/something beautifully adult like a quarterly supper club for your besties or a cooking class for your sister who wants to learn the difference between simmer and sauté.

An hour on your laptop in sweatpants will do the trick here & alleviate the additional mental (& physical!) load of delivery, hiding, storing, wrapping & schlepping! We know the Merry & Bright mugs & Frazier Fir #27 candles still need to be purchased for some of our beloveds but for most, one thoughtful, intentional gift beats a pile of “this-will-do” trinkets every time.

Repeat after me: “I am not Santa’s intern.”

You are not required to run a small fulfillment center from your dining room. Buy with heart, give with meaning, and keep your joy intact.

*Need a printable copy of your experience gift? Email us here [email protected]

*Need a single (or several) custom cards? Order here. https://phenominaldesign.com

2. Socializing - Connection Over Performance

Let’s talk about the holiday social circuit - that marathon of potlucks, parties, brunches, and “just a little get-together” events that somehow require a full wardrobe change and a casserole.

Here’s the truth: You are allowed to decide what fills you up and what quietly drains the life right out of you.

If sequins and heels make you feel alive, then shine, sister! But if your soul sighs if you see one more “festive attire encouraged” invitation, you do not owe anyone sparkle on command.

Choose the gatherings that feed you, the people who make you laugh, the ones who let you come in yoga pants and bring store-bought (gasp!) cookies without judgment if that's your jam. Whomever they are & wherever they're at, that’s your place. 

And if this year you want to skip a few things? That’s loving, too. You can still love people deeply without showing up everywhere.

Repeat after me: "My presence is not a performance."

Give your real smile to the ones who matter most, not the crowd that leaves you running on fumes.

3. Seasonal Traditions that are actually Obligations- Scrap What Doesn’t Serve You

Can we talk about the myth that the holidays have to be a Broadway-level production to feel meaningful? Somewhere along the way, we confused grand gestures and fancy food with nostalgia and love.

But you know better.

If a tradition makes everyone sigh, roll their eyes, or secretly Google “How to fake a fever” it might be time to retire it. You don’t have to go caroling, attend every Santa event, or handcraft ornaments with essential oils & yuletide intentions. (Note: for my ladies who thrive in this flux, you have my full & undying support. More power to you & your bedazzled sweaters )

You’ve lived long enough to learn that your people don’t actually remember the imported cheese or the monogrammed napkins. What they remember is whether you were there. Present. Laughing. Not snapping at everyone because the roast was overcooked while Uncle Franks’s political comments are underway.

Social media & Lifetime may equate a bustling house and a picture-perfect table with joy, but deep down, you know that real love is smaller, quieter, simpler. It’s warm socks and long hugs. It’s someone asking how you REALLY are in the middle of the chaos.

And here’s the truth we need to say out loud: this year feels fragile. Expensive. A bit endless. The general heaviness of the world is sitting right at the table with us. Perhaps we are all a little more tired, a lot more sensitive & trying our best not to say something snarky over stuffing.

If this is the year you simplify - fewer expensive & elaborate events, fewer dishes, even fewer traditions - that doesn’t mean you love your family, your friends or yourself, less. It means you love them enough to show up whole.

Repeat after me: "If it makes my chest tighten, stomach turn, flesh flash, that's my cue."

Traditions are meant to create joy, not hold you hostage. Start a new tradition of protecting your peace so you can actually enjoy it when you do gather.

4. Supper - Keep It Stupid Simple

I hereby release you from (waves wand around that way) holiday menu prison.

No one cares if the cranberry sauce is canned. No one remembers if you made three sides or ten. They remember if you were laughing at the table instead of crying in the kitchen. Buy the pie. Cater the meal. Use paper plates. If Betty, your 2nd-cousin-twice removed wants to judge, she can waddle her ass over there & help wash the dishes.

And for the weeks leading up? The cadence of these themes actually help keep it simple! Groceries each week are relatively the same (& same cost), condiments consistent & expectations @ a minimum.

*Meatless (or Meatloaf! Or Mac & Cheese!) Monday

*Taco Tuesday (no notes. Iconic.)

*Warm up Wednesday (make soup or stew or get the drive thru!)

*Throw-together Thursday (just like it sounds. Good night for leftovers!)

*Flatbread (this includes pizza!) Friday

*Sheet pan Saturday (recipes here).

*Sweet Sunday (make whatever you want but add a dessert).

Repeat after me: Feed your people without pressure, without perfection, without Pinterest. No one is here for that this year.

5. Stillness

I truly wait all year for the next few months' early mornings: where everyone is asleep, the fireplace warms my toes, the tree lights flicker against my coffee mug & soft carols play in the kitchen.

They are my reward for surviving the noise, the lists, the wrapping paper carnage, and the endless “don’t forgets.” These slow, quiet dawns are where I truly feel filled with the holiday spirit.

Stillness is your special sauce. Your secret weapon. The real razzle dazzle.

In the stillness, your shoulders drop. Your breath evens out. Your muscles relax. Unclench your jaw. Honor the body that carried you here. Email & Instagram can wait 20 blessed minutes while you sip something warm and let peace come find you. I pinky promise.

That’s the holy work of the holidays, isn’t it? Not the decorating or baking or checking every box but looking for connection beyond yourself & peace from the world around you.

Repeat after me: "This holiday does not need a hero."

A Special note for my "Yes" People

For the ladies who can’t stand to let anyone down, this is your annual reminder: you still will. We all do. You are not responsible for managing other people’s emotions & meeting their expectations. This includes your partner, your children & your parents. You can say no with kindness and still be loving. You can maneuver through manipulation & push through messy. You can disappoint someone and still be good. Brené Brown says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” Translation? Boundaries are kindness in action. Boundaries will ruffle a few feathers, especially if folks are used to your automatic yes. That’s okay. We can acknowledge others' feelings without taking responsibility for them.

Here are my go-tos:

“I wish I could, but I can’t this time & truly hate to miss it!"

“I won’t be able to take that on, but I hope it’s wonderful!”

“Unfortunately I need to preserve my already razor-thin bandwidth this week & put that in someone else's capable hands!"

“I can’t manage that, but maybe we can figure out another way or a later time for me to help/participate/accept"

So here’s the gift you give yourself this season:

Shop with intention

Socialize with joy

Honor your boundaries

Keep supper simple

Guard your stillness &

Sanctify your yesses.

Let the lists shorten, the lights sparkle & the chaos quiet down so you can actually feel your presence at this moment.

And if this year looks different - if there’s a loss, a divorce, or something unspeakable that makes the lights dim and the carols hollow - keep that simple too. Honor your grief, acknowledge the changes and allow yourself to show up however you can. In 40 years from now you would trade every rushed errand, every bought-and-forgotten gift, every blinking to-do for just one of these ordinary, fleeting moments. Simplify your season to save your sanity, so you can be here for the unrepeatable now. This is it.